FIVE s t a r s*

First off I want to say that i named this blog five stars because I have a tattoo on both wrists of five stars going from biggest to smallest then smallest to biggest. It symbolizes some personal memories, struggles and obstacles that i have gone through in my life, which I do not regret because if those things didnt happen to me i probablly wouldnt be who I am today.

Everyday is a routine. Everyday I physically carry almost the same things such as books, water keys, sidekick, wallet and if I'm feeling girly maybe a purse. A few days ago I never realized what I was REALLY carrying, until I read The Things They Carried. Everything suddenly became clear to me. I was overloading myself with emotions, past memories, and grudges that were just weighing me and my spirits down. Dont get me wrong, I'm a very happy and positive person but that's because I've learned to put things that aren't going to help me move forward in life, in the past. Occasionally they do sneak up on me but it just makes me a braver woman knowing that I understand and accept my emotional baggage.

If I were a solider in The Things They Carried my name would probablly be Lieutenant Amanda Steel. Steel because it is one of the strongest metals and I am a very strong and brave individual since I was a young child. Also because I can be pretty stubborn at times and that brings me to some grudges I've been carrying along the way. I carry grudges with my father since i was young, if that could weigh anything it would be about two hundred pounds but it would be the size of a grain of rice because that's how little he matters to me. Like many of my peers I carry the stress of trying to be up to par with my mother's and grandparent's expectations of me in college. That could also weigh about one hundred and seventy five pounds and it would be a pencil with no eraser because life is the art of drawing without an eraser. Being the first in the family to make it to college is a great honor and everybody is counting on me to succeed.

Relationships always come with some emotional baggage especially after a break up. Not getting into too much detail but after an almost 6 yr realationship things ended for good right before this semester. Little things always remind me of what we had, especially music. All My Life by KC and JoJo would symbolize the baggage i carry due to my breakup.

Another peice of baggage I always have on my mind and in my heart is my little brother, Macho. If i had to choose what i would carry it would be a banana, because he is a clown, the funniest kid ever. That would most definatley be the heaviest thing i carry around. Since I started dorming my brother and I havent been seeing much of eachother and at his age (10) I feel it is crucial to keep in touch with him. Im always worried about how he's doing in school because unlike myself when i was younger, i loved school and everything about it but in Macho's case he does not. My mother is a single parent so she works a lot. I have always felt it was my duty to fill her shoes when she isn't around, even while in here and he's at home in Jersey City. I want to know what he's doing every second of the day but we all know that is impossible, I just want him to go in the right path and if he doesn't I might feel like it is all my fault because im not around.


Just as the soliders in the story, none of my everyday physical things can amount to the weight of my emotional baggage...but the trick is not to let it bring you down :)


SMILE. BE HAPPY !

my first blogGie. [lying in a hammock]

The first day of class we went over James Wright's poem "Lying in a Hammock" and got many different interpetations. While reading the poem in class I immeditaley noticed how efficiently Wright used imagery with colors and animals. After the first time hearing it, I thought in the end when he says "i have wasted my life" I saw it as he realized all wonderful and beautiful things happen everyday and he has wasted his life by always lying in the hammock. Then as we kept rereading it, we all discovered some hidden meanings. The way Wright wrote this poem makes it seem like a lonley and deserted place with only cows walking into the distance.

The chicken hawk could be representing death. Lying in a hammock can also be representing the position that is done when lying in a coffin. He says the chicken hawk floated over him; hawks only prey on dead food. I feel this poem was meant to come off with some sense of sadness and regret. Regret that he didn't do more with his life then he should've as he says i have wasted my life.

The way Wright kept putting together ugly and beautiful words together really gave the poem some spice. For example. he would say bronze butterfly then BLACK trunk, or sunlight between two pines then the DROPPINGS of last years horses. I rememer that being one of the first few things i noticed when i read it.

Analyzing poems or Adding meaning to poems as professor says is not one of my specialties or favorites but this poem i must say was entriging and interesting. It was pretty simple to decode some of the symbolic things mentioned with a few times of reading the poem over and over again. Hopefully, in this course i will learn to better interpret and add meaning to poems.